Anxiety and the Holidays: Why Big Feelings Show Up—and How Parents Can Help
- Monarch
- 21 hours ago
- 5 min read
The holiday season is often pictured as joyful, magical, and full of family togetherness. But for many children—especially those who are prone to anxiety, have sensory sensitivities, or struggle with perfectionism—this time of year can be overwhelming. If your child melts down at gatherings, worries excessively about plans, or becomes rigid and perfectionistic during the holidays, you are not alone. In fact, it’s incredibly common for children’s big feelings to surface this time of year. Between the changes in routine, sensory overload, and high expectations, even small stressors can add up quickly. This post explores why anxiety shows up more intensely during the holidays, how sensory and perfectionism challenges are connected, and what parents can do to help kids not only survive but thrive in this season.
Why the Holidays Trigger Anxiety in Kids
1. Disrupted Routines
Children who rely on predictable schedules often feel grounded by school and daily routines. When holiday breaks arrive, those anchors disappear. Bedtimes shift, meals change, and days become less structured—creating uncertainty that fuels anxiety.
2. Social Pressures
Holiday gatherings mean more people, more conversations, and more expectations. For kids who are shy, socially anxious, or easily overwhelmed by crowds, these situations can feel daunting.
3. Sensory Overload
Lights, music, smells, new foods, and crowded environments bombard the senses. For children with sensory processing challenges, this overload can be exhausting and dysregulating.
4. Perfectionism and Pressure
Perfectionistic children may worry about getting gifts “just right,” making crafts or cookies perfectly, or living up to imagined standards of behavior during family events. The holidays’ cultural emphasis on “magic” and “special” can intensify these pressures.
5. Unpredictability
Even fun surprises can be stressful for anxious kids. A last-minute change of plans or a holiday event that doesn’t go as expected may cause outsized reactions.
Signs of Holiday Anxiety in Children
Not all kids show their stress the same way. Anxiety during the holidays might look like:
Increased irritability or meltdowns
Physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches)
Withdrawal from family activities
Clinginess or difficulty separating from parents
Over-controlling behavior or insistence on rigid rules
Trouble sleeping or nightmares
Excessive worry (“What if grandma doesn’t like my present?”)
If you notice these patterns intensifying around the holiday season, it may be anxiety in disguise.
How Parents Can Help
The good news: there are many strategies parents can use to support children through this season. Below are practical, parent-friendly approaches that address anxiety, sensory needs, and perfectionism.
1. Maintain Predictable Anchors
Even if the schedule is different, keep certain “anchors” consistent.
Bedtime and wake-up routines: Stick as close as possible to their usual times.
Daily rituals: Reading a bedtime story, having breakfast together, or a short evening walk.
Family check-ins: Reviewing what the day will look like each morning.
Anchors reassure kids that not everything is changing.
2. Preview Plans in Advance
Reduce uncertainty by talking through what to expect.
Visual schedules: Post the day’s activities on a calendar or whiteboard.
Walkthroughs: “After lunch, we’ll go to Grandma’s. There will be cousins, and then we’ll drive home after dinner.”
Countdowns: Give 5–10 minute warnings before transitions.
Knowing what’s ahead lowers anxiety and helps kids feel prepared.
3. Build in Calm and Downtime
Busy schedules can lead to overstimulation. Protect space for rest:
Quiet play with Legos, puzzles, or books
A calm-down corner with fidgets or soft blankets
A break between events before moving on to the next activity
Sometimes, skipping one party or leaving early is the healthiest choice.
4. Create a Sensory Survival Kit
Help your child manage overstimulation by packing tools they can use anywhere:
Noise-canceling headphones
Sunglasses or a hat for bright lights
Chewing gum or crunchy snacks for calming oral input
A small fidget toy
A weighted lap pad or stuffed animal
Giving your child permission to use these tools empowers them to manage their own needs.
5. Practice Coping Strategies Ahead of Time
Teach your child calming skills when they’re calm, not in the middle of a meltdown. For example:
Deep breathing: Pretend to blow up a balloon.
Grounding techniques: “Name five things you can see, four you can touch…”
Positive self-talk: “I can handle this. It won’t last forever.”
Practice during low-stress times so they’re ready to use the skills when needed.
6. Normalize and Validate Feelings
Kids need to know their big feelings are okay.
Say: “It makes sense that you feel nervous with so many people here.”
Avoid: “Don’t be silly—you love parties!”
Offer reassurance: “I’ll stay with you until you feel comfortable.”
Validation doesn’t mean giving in to avoidance. It means showing empathy while gently encouraging coping skills.
7. Reframe Perfectionism
If your child is a perfectionist, help them reframe expectations:
Focus on effort, not outcome: “You worked so hard on that card for Grandma.”
Model imperfection: Share when you make mistakes and laugh about them.
Use language like: “Holidays are about connection, not perfection.”
Reducing pressure helps kids enjoy activities without fear of failure.
8. Set Realistic Expectations
Holiday movies and social media often set up unrealistic ideals. Remind your child (and yourself):
It’s okay if plans change.
It’s okay if the cookies burn or the gift isn’t wrapped perfectly.
It’s okay if the family photo isn’t picture-perfect.
Adjusting expectations lowers stress for everyone.
9. Encourage Choices and Control
Anxious kids feel safer when they have some control. Offer simple choices:
“Do you want to wear the red sweater or the green one?”
“Would you like to sit at the kids’ table or next to me?”
“Do you want to help with decorating or setting the table?”
Choices empower kids and reduce feelings of helplessness.
10. Know When to Step Away
Sometimes the best solution is to take a break. If your child becomes overwhelmed:
Step outside for fresh air.
Find a quiet room to regroup.
Leave an event early if needed.
Exiting before a full meltdown is not failure—it’s good parenting.
Supporting Parents, Too
Caring for an anxious child during the holidays can be exhausting. Parents often feel pressure to “make everything perfect.” But remember:
You don’t need to attend every event.
Saying no to overstimulation is okay.
Your calm presence is the most important gift you can give your child.
When you model self-care and boundaries, your child learns to do the same.
Real-Life Example
Imagine this: Your child has been nervous all week about the family holiday party. The house will be full of people, music, and noise. Instead of forcing them to “just deal with it,” you:
Preview the event with them: “There will be about 15 people. We’ll eat dinner first, then open gifts.”
Pack their sensory kit with headphones, a favorite book, and a small toy.
Agree on a signal they can use if they need a break.
Remind them: “If it feels too loud, you can sit in the den or we can go outside for five minutes.”
At the party, your child feels overwhelmed halfway through. They signal you, and you step outside for a short walk. When they’re ready, they rejoin the group. Instead of ending in tears, they leave the night feeling successful.
This small plan not only prevents meltdown but also builds your child’s confidence in managing anxiety.
Holidays can be tough for anxious kids. Routines are disrupted, sensory environments are intense, and the pressure for everything to be “perfect” can feel crushing. But with preparation, empathy, and realistic expectations, families can make the season more manageable. Supporting your child doesn’t mean avoiding every challenge. It means equipping them with tools, providing predictable anchors, and validating their feelings while encouraging growth.
This holiday season, remember: the goal isn’t to create a flawless celebration. The goal is to nurture connection, create moments of joy, and help your child feel safe and supported. Big feelings are part of the journey—but so are resilience, laughter, and love. When children feel understood, they can move through the season with more confidence—and that is the true gift of the holidays.
ADHD - Autism - Executive Functioning - Learning Disorders
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