Empowering Your Child's Self-Advocacy Skills in the New School Year

Monarch
Sep 3
6 min read

The start of a new school year is exciting—and often a little overwhelming. There are new teachers, new routines, and new expectations. For many kids, especially those who learn differently or face challenges like ADHD, dyslexia, or anxiety, a new school year also means adjusting to fresh obstacles. As parents, we naturally want to protect our children from struggle. But one of the most powerful tools we can give them is not constant protection—it’s the ability to advocate for themselves. Self-advocacy is a life skill that helps children understand their needs, communicate them to others, and build confidence in their ability to navigate challenges.

In this post, we’ll explore what self-advocacy means, why it’s so important for school success, and how you can support your child in developing these skills throughout the new school year.

What Is Self-Advocacy?

Self-advocacy means recognizing and communicating your own needs, rights, and preferences. For a child in school, this might look like:

Asking a teacher to repeat directions when they didn’t understand.
Requesting to sit closer to the board if they can’t see clearly.
Reminding a teacher about an accommodation in their 504 Plan or IEP.
Speaking up when they feel overwhelmed and need a break.
Sharing what strategies help them learn best.

Self-advocacy doesn’t mean being demanding or entitled—it means being able to express needs respectfully, while also taking responsibility for one’s own learning.

Why Self-Advocacy Matters

1. Builds Independence

School becomes more complex every year. By middle and high school, teachers expect students to take more ownership of their learning. If children learn to self-advocate early, they’ll be better prepared for the increasing independence that comes with age.

2. Strengthens Confidence

When children know they can speak up and be heard, they feel more capable and confident. This confidence carries over to academics, friendships, and beyond.

3. Ensures Needs Are Met

Even with the best intentions, teachers may overlook or forget accommodations. A child who can politely remind a teacher ensures that their supports are consistently in place.

4. Prepares for Adulthood

In college, the workplace, and daily life, self-advocacy is essential. Whether asking for clarification in a job or requesting accommodations at university, the same skills apply.

The Parent’s Role in Self-Advocacy

As parents, our instinct is often to step in and advocate for our children. This is especially true when they’re young. But while adult advocacy is sometimes necessary, our long-term goal should be to shift more responsibility to the child as they grow. This doesn’t mean letting go entirely—it means gradually teaching, modeling, and scaffolding the skills until your child can use them independently. Think of it like teaching them to ride a bike: you start with training wheels, run alongside them, and eventually cheer from the sidewalk as they pedal on their own.

How to Teach and Support Self-Advocacy

1. Help Your Child Understand Their Strengths and Needs

Self-advocacy begins with self-awareness. A child can’t explain what they need if they don’t understand themselves.

Talk openly about learning differences. Use language that is accurate but positive. For example: “Your brain processes information differently. That’s why reading takes more effort, but it also makes you creative in problem-solving.”
Identify strengths. Make sure your child knows what they’re good at—whether it’s drawing, building, remembering facts, or making friends. This balances conversations about challenges.
Name challenges clearly. Instead of vague language like “you struggle with school,” be specific: “Sometimes it’s harder for you to focus for long periods, so taking breaks helps.”

2. Teach Them the Language of Advocacy

Children need concrete words and phrases to use with adults. You can role-play situations so they feel prepared. Some examples:

“I didn’t understand the directions. Could you explain them again?”
“Can I use my notes, since that’s part of my 504 Plan?”
“I work best when I have written instructions. Could I get a copy?”
“I need a short break so I can refocus.”

Practicing these phrases at home makes it easier to use them in the classroom.

3. Practice Role-Playing

Kids may feel nervous speaking to teachers. Role-playing gives them a chance to practice in a safe space.

You play the role of the teacher, and your child practices asking for help.
Switch roles—have them play the teacher so they can see both perspectives.
Start with simple scenarios (“I didn’t hear the homework assignment”) and work up to more complex ones (“I need extra time on a test”).

4. Involve Your Child in Meetings and Plans

If your child has a 504 Plan or IEP, involve them in age-appropriate ways. Even younger children can sit in for part of the meeting. This helps them:

Hear adults talking about their needs in respectful ways.
Understand what supports they are entitled to.
Feel ownership over their learning plan.

Older students, especially in middle and high school, should actively contribute to these meetings. Encourage them to share what works for them and what doesn’t.

5. Encourage Problem-Solving

Sometimes kids won’t get exactly what they ask for, and that’s okay. Help them think about alternatives. For example:

“If the teacher can’t give you more time in class, what’s another way you could finish the assignment?”
“If you can’t move seats today, how else could you make sure you hear better?”

This teaches flexibility and resilience, which are just as important as speaking up.

6. Step Back—But Stay Nearby

It’s tempting to swoop in and fix things. Instead, give your child chances to handle situations themselves.

In elementary school: You might email the teacher and encourage your child to add a short note.
In middle school: Encourage your child to talk to the teacher first before you step in.
In high school: Expect your teen to handle most teacher communications, with you only assisting if issues escalate.

7. Model Advocacy in Your Own Life

Children learn from what we do. Let them see you advocating respectfully for yourself. Examples:

“I didn’t hear the server clearly. I’m going to ask them to repeat what they said.”
“I need more information before I make this decision, so I’m going to ask questions.”
“It’s important to me that we have time together, so I’m putting it on the calendar.”

By normalizing advocacy in everyday life, you show your child it’s not something to be ashamed of.

Common Barriers to Self-Advocacy (and How to Overcome Them)

Fear of Embarrassment

Children often worry they’ll stand out or be judged.

Normalize asking for help: remind them that all students need support sometimes.
Share your own stories of when you asked for help.

Lack of Confidence

If a child has faced repeated struggles, they may not believe their voice matters.

Celebrate every advocacy attempt, even small ones.
Reinforce that teachers want to help and respect students who speak up.

Negative Past Experiences

If a teacher dismissed their request before, your child may hesitate to try again.

Validate their feelings (“That was frustrating”).
Brainstorm alternative ways to ask, or identify a different trusted adult.

Age-by-Age Self-Advocacy Goals

Elementary School

Learn to ask clarifying questions.
Practice raising their hand when confused.
Begin identifying what helps them learn best.

Middle School

Start speaking directly to teachers about accommodations.
Practice emailing teachers with parent support.
Take part in IEP or 504 meetings.

High School

Take responsibility for communicating with teachers.
Advocate for testing accommodations.
Set goals for college or career supports.
Lead parts of their IEP or 504 meetings.

By gradually building skills, you prepare your child for independence in college, work, and adult life.

The Benefits Beyond the Classroom

Self-advocacy doesn’t stop at school—it’s a life skill. Children who learn to advocate grow into adults who can:

Speak up in college settings.
Ask for clarity or accommodations at work.
Express needs in relationships.
Navigate healthcare, finances, and other adult responsibilities.

In other words, teaching your child to self-advocate is one of the best long-term investments you can make in their future.

A new school year is a fresh start. Alongside backpacks, binders, and sharpened pencils, consider adding self-advocacy to your child’s toolkit. It won’t develop overnight—but with your guidance, encouragement, and patience, your child can grow into a confident advocate for their own learning. Remember: advocacy is not about perfection. It’s about progress. Every time your child speaks up for themselves, they’re building independence, resilience, and confidence. And that’s a skill that will serve them for life.

ADHD - Autism - Executive Functioning - Learning Disorders