How to Talk to Other Parents About Your Child’s Neurodiversity

Monarch
Jul 15
5 min read

Honoring Your Child While Building Understanding and Community

Parenting a neurodivergent child — whether they’re autistic, have ADHD, a learning difference, or sensory processing challenges — can be a deeply rewarding and complex journey. One of the most common (and emotionally charged) challenges that parents face is knowing how to talk to other parents about their child’s differences.

Whether you’re navigating playdates, birthday parties, classroom interactions, or just casual playground chatter, you may find yourself wondering:

Should I tell them?
What exactly should I say?
Will they judge me or my child?
How can I protect my child’s dignity while still advocating for them?

These are valid and difficult questions — and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But the good news is, there are thoughtful ways to approach these conversations that honor your child’s neurodivergence, build trust, and foster inclusive communities.

Why These Conversations Matter

Sharing about your child’s neurodivergent traits isn’t about over-explaining or labeling them — it’s about creating understanding and connection. When you’re open (in the right setting and with the right people), you:

Normalize neurodiversity for others
Reduce confusion or misinterpretation of your child’s behavior
Set the tone for respectful communication
Help other parents prepare their children to be inclusive peers
Model advocacy and self-respect for your child

But First: Know That You Don’t Owe Everyone an Explanation

Before diving into what to say, here’s a gentle reminder: You do not owe anyone personal or medical information about your child.

You get to choose:

If you disclose
When you disclose
How much you share
Who you share with

The goal isn’t to defend or apologize for your child’s behavior. The goal is to create safe, supportive interactions — for your child, for yourself, and for the people who want to be part of your circle.

When Might It Be Helpful to Share about Neurodiversity?

Here are a few situations where it may be helpful to share something about your child’s neurodivergence:

Before a Playdate

If your child has sensory sensitivities, needs structure, or sometimes scripts or stims in ways others may not be familiar with.

At School Events or Group Activities

If your child is in the same class, troop, or team as other kids, and there may be challenges with transitions, noise, or social engagement.

When Another Parent Misunderstands Behavior

If your child’s behavior is misread as rudeness, defiance, or overreaction — and you want to offer context rather than allow shame or judgment to build.

When Building Community

Sometimes you may just want to connect with other parents honestly and authentically — not as an explanation, but as part of shared parenting struggles and strengths.

What Can You Say? Scripts to Consider

Here are some sample approaches you can adapt based on your comfort level and your relationship with the other parent:

The Brief, Informative Share

Use this when you want to share quickly and clearly, without going into detail.

“Just so you know, my son is neurodivergent — he’s autistic and has a few sensory sensitivities. He might need a little extra space if things get loud, but he’s really excited to be here.”

The Advocacy-Focused Share

Use this when your child needs accommodations or understanding in a shared setting.

“My daughter has ADHD and sometimes gets overwhelmed in noisy environments. If she seems like she’s zoning out or needs to walk away, that’s just how she self-regulates. I appreciate your patience.”

The Empathy-Inviting Share

Use this when you want to be open and also invite connection.

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that our son is neurodivergent — he’s wired a little differently and sometimes that shows up in the way he plays or talks. We’re still figuring out what works best for him, and we appreciate other families who are patient and curious.”

The Connection-Seeking Share

Use this when you want to find allies or community.

“My daughter is on the autism spectrum, and we’ve learned so much about how she experiences the world. If you ever want to talk about navigating school systems or IEPs, I’d love to share resources.”

What If They Don’t Get It?

Unfortunately, not everyone will respond with understanding. Some may seem awkward, dismissive, or overly curious. Here’s how to handle a few common reactions:

“Oh… well, he seems fine to me.”

“Thanks — we try to focus on his strengths, but there’s a lot happening under the surface that people don’t always see.”

“Don’t you think labeling kids is harmful?”

“For us, it’s not about a label — it’s about understanding how his brain works so we can support him better.”

Unwanted advice or comparisons

“That hasn’t been our experience, but I appreciate your input.”

You’re not responsible for educating everyone. Keep your responses clear and respectful — and know when to redirect or disengage.

Protecting Your Child’s Privacy and Dignity

One of the most delicate parts of sharing is striking the balance between advocating and honoring your child’s privacy.

Here are some guiding principles:

Use person-first or identity-first language based on your child’s preference (or general best practice for your family).
Share in ways that are age-appropriate and affirming: avoid framing your child as “less than,” “broken,” or “difficult.”
If your child is old enough to understand, involve them in deciding what to share and with whom.
Avoid disclosing information that your child would not be comfortable with others knowing — especially in front of them.

You might say:

“We usually tell close friends that Sam is neurodivergent, and we talk about his strengths and challenges. Let us know if you ever have questions — we want to help others understand, but also respect his privacy.”

Supporting Your Child Through These Conversations

Your child may pick up on more than you think — especially if they’re sensitive or perceptive. Helping them understand why you talk to others about their neurodivergence can actually be empowering.

You can say:

“Sometimes I let other parents know a little bit about how your brain works, so they understand how to be a good friend or help if you need support. It’s not a secret, but it’s also not something we tell everyone. You always get a say.”

As they grow, you can help them develop their own scripts for self-advocacy, such as:

“I have ADHD, so it helps me if I can take breaks sometimes.”

“I’m autistic, and loud sounds make me uncomfortable.”

“I learn differently, but I’m really good at solving problems in creative ways.”

Talking to other parents about your child’s neurodivergence can feel vulnerable — even scary. But it’s also a powerful step toward building a world where neurodivergent kids are not just tolerated, but seen, respected, and included.

You don’t have to share everything. You don’t have to get it perfect. Just start with honesty, respect, and a focus on what your child needs to feel safe and accepted.

Over time, you’ll get better at these conversations — and you’ll find your people. The more we talk openly about neurodivergence, the less stigma our kids will face and the more connection we’ll build as families.

ADHD - Autism - Executive Functioning - Learning Disorders