Why Transitions Are Hard for Kids—and How You Can Help
- Monarch
- Aug 7
- 3 min read
If your child struggles when it’s time to leave the playground, switch off the tablet, or get ready for school, you’re not alone. Transitions—those moments when we move from one activity or place to another—can be surprisingly tough for kids, especially those who are neurodivergent. But even neurotypical children can melt down, resist, or shut down when a change is coming.
So why are transitions so hard for children? Let’s break it down in simple, parent-friendly language—and talk about how you can make them a little easier.
1. Kids Thrive on Predictability
Children feel safe when they know what’s coming next. When that changes suddenly—like being asked to clean up and come to dinner—it can feel like the rug is being pulled out from under them.
Think about it this way: If you were in the middle of a great movie and someone hit pause and told you to do your taxes, you’d probably resist too.
What helps:
Give warnings before a transition: “In five minutes, we’re turning off the TV.”
Use timers or visual schedules to make the change feel more predictable.
2. They’re Deep in the Moment
Many children—especially young ones or those with autism or ADHD—can get very “locked in” to what they’re doing. Their brains are fully focused on the present activity, and shifting gears can feel abrupt and confusing.
It’s not defiance—it’s difficulty shifting mental gears.
What helps:
Get their attention gently before speaking (kneel down, use their name).
Offer transitional phrases like: “First we clean up, then we can read a story.”
Give choices within the transition: “Do you want to clean up the blocks or the crayons first?”
3. Big Feelings Can Take Over
Leaving something fun or starting something hard can trigger big emotions—disappointment, frustration, or anxiety. Children often don’t have the words or self-regulation skills to handle those feelings yet.
Imagine being asked to stop doing your favorite hobby and start something stressful, without a say. It’s frustrating—even for adults.
What helps:
Validate feelings: “I know you were having fun. It’s hard to stop when you’re enjoying something.”
Teach and practice calming strategies (deep breathing, squeezes, quiet time).
Keep transitions low-pressure whenever possible.
4. They Might Not Know What’s Coming Next
Uncertainty makes transitions harder. If kids don’t know what’s happening next—or don’t like what’s next—it can increase anxiety and resistance.
What helps:
Preview what’s coming: “After lunch, we’re going to the park.”
Use pictures or checklists to show the day’s plan.
Reassure them that their needs will be met soon: “We’ll read after your bath—your favorite part of the day!”
5. Some Kids Need More Time and Support
Every child is different. Neurodivergent children—those with autism, ADHD, or sensory processing differences—often need more time, preparation, and support to transition smoothly. This doesn’t mean something is wrong. It just means their brains process change in a different way.
What helps:
Be patient and consistent.
Use tools that work for your child: visual timers, songs, calming routines.
Collaborate with your child’s teacher or therapist for ideas that can be used both at home and school.
Transitions are part of everyday life—but for children, especially younger or neurodivergent ones, they’re a skill that needs to be learned with time, patience, and support. If your child melts down during transitions, try not to take it personally. They’re not trying to give you a hard time—they’re having a hard time.
With a little planning and lots of compassion, you can help your child navigate transitions more smoothly—and build emotional skills that will support them for life.
You’re doing great. Small steps make a big difference.
ADHD - Autism - Executive Functioning - Learning Disorders
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